Alone
by Did-I-Do-That
Summary: Ashlen just wanted to live out her life in the zombie apocalypse alone in her favorite camping spot but when a group has already set up camp there she has no other choice but to join them. It isn't until after the group suffers a huge loss that she realizes just how close she'd gotten to them... especially a certain red neck. Romance will come in later ;) Rated M for safety.
1. Chapter 1: Camp Fire Shenanigans

**THIS IS BOLD SO YOU SHOULD PROBABLY LOOK AT** **IT! **_  
><em>_Hoekay! So this is more or less going to be a little off because I'm pretty fucking good at messing up Characters... and plot. More or less I'll try to keep it true to the oh so wonderful TV series... _

**Rated Mature **_Because I refuse to censor myself _

**Disclaimer** _I'm not responsible enough to finish anything so clearly I don't own the walking dead... or a pet._

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 1: Camp Fire Shenanigans <span> **

_-Ashlen-_

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><p>I've always been a fan of the wilderness and incidentally I've always been a fan of loneliness. So I guess it would be natural for me to high tail my ass out of the cities and into my favorite camping spot when the dead started eating the living. Too bad for me that some others had the very same idea. I didn't want to go anywhere else; this was my special place… so I joined them.<p>

Don't get me wrong. It's not like I dislike the people. I actually get along with them quite well but I'm just more comfortable alone. I've always been this way so naturally I've learned to interact with people without actually befriending them. Easier to be alone when you don't have anyone that wants to spend time with you.

"Ashlen, I haven't seen you all day." An authoritative voice informed me from outside my tent. "Come to the fire."

I let out a long exaggerated groan as I slithered out of my sleeping bag and unzipped my tent. "Yes, Dad." I snapped sarcastically.

Shane gave me a stern glare like I was a toddler who'd said a bad word. Rolling my eyes I obeyed him and trudged to the fire where everyone was gathered. I plopped myself down next to the closest person to friend that I have. Glenn and I naturally fell together since we had similar personalities… honestly if he weren't such a social butterfly I'd dare say he was the male version of me.

"Glenda." I greeted, nodding my head towards him.

"Asher." He retorted holding up is hand with an open palm for me to punch lightly. Keeping completely serious faces we mimicked the actions but switched the roles.

Originally, I only talked to Glenn because I was sick of hearing the girls fawn over Daryl Dixon and after that we just automatically joined each others' sides. We don't hang out on our spare time but when I'm forced to be around people I chose to be around him.

"Exciting day?" I yawned, waiting for Shane to direct his attention back to Lori so I could slip back to my tent. "Everyone seems so lively."

Glenn shrugged. "They seem lively because you never come to the campfires."

I looked away, wanting to change the subject but lock eyes with the man every girl here wants. Daryl's gaze doesn't falter when I catch him staring but instead intensifies like I ticked him off for even looking in his direction. I cocked an eyebrow before looking towards Shane. He was distracted, sitting on a lawn chair with Lori on the ground leaning on his legs for support. Leaning forward he began whispering things into her ear. I could have taken this time to flee but I figured I'd play a game first.

Nudging Glenn with my elbow to get his attention I signaled towards the 'secret' couple. Knowing exactly what I wanted he scooted closer and grinned devilishly. Glenn and I have a peculiar way of entertaining ourselves during the apocalypse.

"How are you doing down there, comfy?" Glenn whispered in his imitation of Shane. "Should I fart to make your air smell better?"

I giggled ridiculously… my weakness: fart jokes. "No, the aroma from your sweaty ball sack is more than enough." I mocked Lori.

"Just a sample of what you'll be licking tonight." Glenn attempted to sound alluring through his laughter but even his spot on impersonation was faltering. "Can't wait to get you in the tent and just cover your forehead with my poop."

"But what about Carl?" I gasped in my Lori voice before dropping the facade and laughing again.

"He can watch." Glenn whispered in Shane's signature cop voice.

I couldn't hold it anymore and apparently neither could Glenn. The camp erupted in the sound of our laughter and Glenn even snorted… which sent me into a whole nether laughing fit.

"Care to share what's so funny with the group?" Shane asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"Can't." Glenn said between chuckles.

"Not without you beating us to death." I giggled.

"Honestly," Lori sighed annoyed at us. "Maybe we should keep you two separated. You're nothing but trouble."

Glenn feigned desperation and pulled my head into his chest wrapping his arms around my entire skull. "You'd separate me from the love of my life?" He gasped almost as if he were appalled that she'd even give it a second thought. "You're a cruel, cruel woman, Lori Grimes."

My laughter was muffled by his arms that squeezed my head into him. My hand lifted to pull his arm away so I could breathe easier. Unleashing my head I threw my head back and laid on the ground to calm myself enough to catch my breath.

"Can't have a peaceful night with you can we, Ashlen?" Shane sighed already annoyed with me. I was good at that.

"You're the one who forced me here." I pointed out simply.

"I think it's nice to see her enjoying herself for once." Carol, the sweetest lady I've ever met, chimed in her mouse like voice. "I only see her when she's doing chores."

Swallowing hard I looked for an escape. Shit was going to get uncomfortable for me unless I changed the subject. My eyes wandered as I thought of something to say… someone to shine the spotlight on so I could hide away in the dark again.

"Who's going on the run tomorrow?" Daryl asked lazily before I could think of something to say. Was that a coincidence? I mean unlike his older brother, Merle, Daryl never really spoke much. There's no way that he was rescuing me… right?

"The usual." Shane shrugged. "Why do you ask?"

"I wanna go huntin' so I was thinking that I'd stay back this time 'round." He explained easily, like he was bored.

"Alright, that's fair enough." Shane sighed. "You've been on all of 'em before now so I suppose you deserve a vacation."

"Shane's so good at kissing ass don't you think?" Glenn whispered to me.


	2. Chapter 2: That's Just Who I Was

**LOOK AT ME! ** _  
><em>_So this is kind of a long one but I couldn't really find a better place to stop... so that's a thing. Hhhanyway, this is... weird. Have fun._

**Rated Mature **_There's stuff about abusive family or something... It's mature let's just say that. _

**Disclaimer **_If I owned it would I really be writing fan fiction about it?_

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><p><strong> <span>Chapter 2: That's Just Who I Was<span>**

_-Ashlen-_

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><p>I awoke to the same dream I've had since the world went to shit. It's not a nightmare; there are no zombies, no survivors, and no stupid group making me do stupid chores. It's a nice dream; one where I'm here, at this campsite… alone. I have a small house just where Dale's RV is, overlooking the lake, and I have more animals running around than a zoo. I don't wake up because I don't like the dream… I wake up because it's too good.<p>

There's no way to know when I'll wake up from this dream but tonight it looked like I'd woken before sunrise. Silently I pull on the black skinny jeans I had been wearing at the fire and slid on my brown leather jacket before slipping out of my tent. A smile dances on my lips as I go on my nightly stroll. I like that no one is out and about because I can pretend that this isn't all happening. I can close my eyes and convince myself that it's just another day that I'd slipped away to my paradise and now I'm just walking by myself.

I'd found myself standing in front of the lake just gazing at the still water that perfectly reflected the full moon. It was gorgeous, so gorgeous that I considered the possibility of this being part of my dream. Things were going too smoothly.

After walking for a little longer I ended up in the woods, not too far from camp but not too close either. I was still contemplating if this was reality when the sound of the dead walking interrupted me. Letting out an amused burst of air out of my nose I looked to the ghoul that had stumbled its way here. I'm sure that if anyone had been watching me they would have deemed me insane as I smoothly slid my dagger from my boot and stabbed it into the thing's brain… all while smiling.

Bending over I looked closely at it and began to dig through the pockets in his pants and jacket. There wasn't a whole lot but then again most of what we used to carry with us isn't useful in this world. I looked through the wallet, curiously examining his family trying to imagine what that would have been like, to live in a solid family like that. I pocketed the chap stick and lighter before looking hard at the pack of smokes.

I know that Merle smokes. He blows the smoke in Shane's face when he tells him to do that shit away from the kids and despite what he says to me I think Merle is really funny guy. Just like his brother I never held a conversation with Merle… The most I've even said to him were snappy comebacks to his cat calls and yet here I was thinking about giving these to him.

The sound of a twig snapping beneath someone's feet sends me to my feet and forward slightly to where I know a walker isn't lurking ready to bite me. However, my widened eyes aren't met with the glassy white eyes of the dead but rather pretty, dark, very human eyes. Daryl is standing behind me with a bored expression, hands in the pockets of his jeans and a tooth pick hanging from his mouth.

I don't know what to say until I remember what's in my hand. "You smoke?" I asked offering him the pack I'd just scavenged.

He gave me a single nod before I tossed them in his direction. Stepping over the walker I'd just take down, I lazily dropped the wallet and made my way back to camp. "And you shouldn't sneak up on people like that." I told him just as I walked past. "It's rude."

In all honesty I'm sort of glad that out of all the people in camp it was the antisocial maniac that had seen me happily stabbing a corpse in the head. I figured he'd judge me just about as much as he did his brother… which wasn't at all. Not quite ready to return to my tent I made my way back to the lake and sat on a bolder. The sun was just beginning to rise and unfortunately so were some of the others.

I stayed out of site as I slipped back into my tent, not wanting the others to see that I'd been an early bird today. If they find out about my late night gallivants Shane would put a stop to them… or at least keep an even closer eye on me. I couldn't figure out what that man's fascination was with trying to constantly control me. My mom couldn't do it so why would he think he could.

Feeling already that it was going to be a hot day, I decided to break out my trusty short shorts and swimsuit. By the time I'd changed into my plain black bikini, light blue jean shorts, and army green tank top my tent had basically turned into a sauna. A thin sheet of sweat covered most of my tanned skin as I combed my hands through my already dampened, long, dark red hair. Not able to take the heat any longer I unzipped my tent and took a step out while still struggling to get my loose curls into a pony tail. My eyes locked onto those very dark, very human eyes I'd seen last night.

Daryl held an unlit cigarette in between his lips as he stood outside of his tent probably waiting for his older brother, Merle. I swallowed hard before averting my eyes and finishing my hair. Normally I never felt embarrassed or self conscious… hell I never had a reason to feel that way, but with Dixon's eyes plastered to me I couldn't help it. Unconsciously I tugged at my shorts thinking that maybe it was what I was wearing or maybe there was blood on my face from last night. That's when it hit me.

'He thinks you're a psycho.'

"Good morning, Asher." Glenn chimed from behind me causing a small squeal to escape my lips as well as a small hop from my body. "That was abnormally adorable of you."

I rolled my eyes. "Mornin', Glenda."

"And a fine morning it is." Merle's voice rang from his tent as he stepped out licking his lips at me. "Not half as fine as them legs though."

Nudging Glenn I let out small giggle. "Awe, Glenda, you got a compliment!"

Glenn shot me a glare but Merle burst into laughter and if I didn't know better I'd say Daryl almost cracked a smile. Letting out an exaggerated huff Glenn turned on his heal and stormed off, swaying his hips to let me know he was imitating Amy. I let out a wolf whistle and he flipped me off without looking but I could hear his chuckling.

"Baby brother told me that you were to thank for the smokes." Merle grinned. Swiveling my head to look at him I returned the smile and just nodded.

"Smoke them responsibly." I winked. "And when I say that I mean in Shane's face."

He howled in laughter again while advancing to me and placing a large hand on my small shoulder. "Always knew you were a riot." He chuckled. "Thanks for the smokes, Sweetie."

Giving him another nod he grinned and walked away to do whatever it was Merle did. Letting out a morning stretch I began walking having decided to not waste any time. The sooner I started the chores the sooner I'd be by myself again. Not even trying to be quiet I opened the RV door and pulled out the dirty laundry basket.

"Oh you're eager today, aren't ya?" Amy giggled from behind me as I made my way to the lake. "Not even Shane's up yet."

"Guess plowing Mother of the year over there took more out of him than usual." I joked turning to show Amy my playful smile so she didn't think I actually despised the two… which I kind of did.

She laughed harder than I expected while falling in step beside me. "So I had another dream 'bout you know who." Her voice dipped into a low whisper as if the man could hear her. I suppressed an eye roll and let out a silent sigh. "It was the best one yet!"

"Don't you ever dream about anyone else?" I teased, hoping that she'd spare me the gruesome details. With how many times Andrea and Amy have shared their Daryl fantasies I'd began to worry I'd start getting them. Not to mention the fact that their minds were worse than a teenage boy's.

"Well who else would I dream about?" She demanded with a huff. "Merle?"

I laughed as I made my way to the water and filled up the wash tub. "I don't know. Maybe Channing Tatum, Orlando Bloom… you know, attractive people."

"You don't think Dixon's a babe?" She gasped. "Besides those boys are probably dead… I prefer to fantasize the living."

"You're quite picky for a girl who has wet dreams about a red neck." I teased while trying to carry the heavy bucket back to level land. "Are you gonna help?"

Rushing over Amy managed to keep her surprised face intact even as we carried the large tub to our destination. "I can't believe you aren't into Daryl!" She gasped a little too loud. Realizing the level her voice was at she flushed and dropped it back to a whisper. "Have you seen him shirtless? Hell, I know you've seen those strong arms."

"Alright, alright," I snapped not wanting her to continue. "Don't get your panties wet. I get the point. You dig muscles."

"You don't?" She asked in disbelief.

"I guess I'm just not into the whole looking for love in the zombie apocalypse thing." I shrugged as we both started washing the clothes in the basket. "Shit, I didn't grab another basket for the clean clothes." Standing up I wiped my hands on my shorts and began my walk back to the RV.

"I heard you're not into Daryl." Andrea called from atop the RV where she was saying her goodbyes to Dale. I looked up at her wide grin. "Can I ask why?"

"I'm sure you're going to even if I say no." I shrugged. "Why is it so hard to believe that I'm not crushing on a dude while the dead are walking around? Is it so weird that I'm more worried about surviving than I am about which dick is going to penetrate me next?"

I watched as Dale choked on his water as I chuckled at both his shock and discomfort. Andrea patted his back lightly while joining my laughter. Expertly kicking the basket up so it was easier to grab I sighed. Not even half an hour into the day and I'm already sick of hearing about Daryl fucking Dixon.

'Speak of the devil.' My eyes locked with the seemingly amused face of the man my morning has consisted mostly of. I raised an eyebrow at his change in expressions. Normally he always looked bored but now the corners of his mouth were turned up and I could see him strain to hold in laughter. The realization hit me about a minute into our staring contest. 'He heard _everything_.'

My eyebrow fell as well as my jaw and I quickly looked away to avoid embarrassing myself further. Continuing my way to the lake I felt the embarrassment get replaced with frustration. Since when did I get embarrassed, by anything? I got pantsed in high school and I didn't so much as blush! This wasn't who I was. I didn't get flustered. That's just how it was. I was always sassy but level headed… that's just _who_ I was!

"What's got your panties in a twist?" Amy quizzed when she noticed my aggressive scrubbing. "You were pretty cheeky before you left… What could have happened in such a small amount of time?"

I shrugged. "Just annoyed."

"Yah, I gathered that much." She snorted. "Why are you annoyed?"

Catching myself before I answered, I looked up at her and laughed. "I think I left my coffee pot on at my apartment."

She burst out laughing. "I think it's a little late to worry about that now, Ash." I must have really smacked her funny bone because she dropped the shirt she'd been watching and fell over clutching her sides.

To make sure she didn't press the subject again I continued. "My land lord's gonna be pissed."

"What's so funny, ladies?" Shane demanded as he approached the red faced, giggling Amy and the smug faced me.

I shot him a smirk and answered with a shrug. "Me."

"Yah but at who's expense?" Shane sneered. "Don't think I don't know what goes on in that pretty little head of yours, Ashlen."

I let out a groan. "Yah, yah, I grew up next to you. You think you know me real well even though I hadn't seen you since I was 16."

Amy stopped laughing and looked between the two of us with a shocked expression. "You two knew each other?" Her voice was louder than she wanted again but this time she didn't try to correct it. "When were you going to tell us that?"

"Didn't think it was big deal." I shrugged. "Besides I haven't seen him in, what, seven years… maybe eight."

"Yah and you haven't changed one bit." He sighed rolling his eyes. "Still act like an eight year old boy."

I let out a snort. "After hearing this girl's dreams I'd say I've grown to at least a 13 year old boy." Motioning to Amy with a thumb I saw her face grow red and she laughed nervously like she was trying to play that off as an untrue joke but her guilty face gave her away. "Not that it matters any way. Who cares how mature I act?"

"Shane, these girls were just having fun." Carol sighed from the crowd that had apparently formed around us. "No need to ruin that."

I let out a short burst of amused air. "Shane can't stand fun… 's why he's a cop."

I watched most of the group stifle their laughter but a very drunk and very fat man let out a loud, annoying laugh. I scrunched my face up at the sound as he pushed his way through the crowd, shoving Carol more than the rest. Since I never saw him much I didn't know his name but I did know that he was the sweet and amazing Carol's hubby. My eyes automatically glared at him recognizing a piece of shit like him anywhere. He beat that kind woman and probably her skiddish daughter as well.

"That's real funny little lady." He slurred shooting me a disgusting smile. I felt my skin crawl as his eyes traveled up and down my body. "Always knew red heads were feisty."

I had to bite my tongue to keep from lashing out at him. He was in front of his wife! Balling my hands into fists I shot the man a hostile glare daring him to say one more god damn thing. Shane caught on to this and placed a hand on my head as a warning for me to be good. I smacked it away without breaking my eye contact with the drunk ass hole.

"Mhm," The man hummed in satisfaction. "You're a sexy little thing you are. Loads better than the warn out trash I married."

That did it. I was on my feet in a flash and just as quickly as I stood I smashed my fist into the man's face. Knowing damn well that I wasn't strong enough to knock the man on his ass with just one punch I let him swing back at me. He swung high in his drunk rage but I crouched down, dodging his punch, and thrust my fist into his man parts with as much force as I could manage.

He fell in defeat, letting out a silent yelp and curling into a ball on the ground. His obvious submission did nothing to save him from my fury. I kicked hard at his crying face before Shane wrapped his arms around me to pull me away. Somehow I got my arm out of his hold and sent an elbow into the side of his head. His drip on me loosened. I busted out of it rushing to get the fat drunk on his back and began punching him repeatedly with my right hand while my left held his throat in a tight grasp.

I couldn't hear anything but my heart beat in my ear but I was certain that I was screaming things at him. He'd done it… broken my mask with just a couple of sentences. Normally… I'm level headed. That's just who I was, but right then… I was getting revenge on a man who wasn't even alive by beating another man just like him.

Two strong arms wrapped around my body, somehow pinning both my arms to my side, and pulled me away from the unconscious man. Carol bent over him, holding his head in her lap, sobbing uncontrollably. I think that's what brought me out of my fiery rage. I'd forgotten about that… that the wife loved the abusive husband. That she cared for him. How could I have forgotten what had gotten me kicked out of the house?

Aside from Carol and whoever it was who was restraining me everyone else just stood in complete shock. My eyes locked onto Shane who was fuming as Lori examined his head. He had no fucking clue what went on in my house. He lived happily with his family just across the fence without a clue about what I really went though. What that man did to my mom… What that fat drunk did to Carol… it wasn't human. I wasn't going to let him get away with it like I did with my step-father. That's just how it was going to be. I wouldn't apologize for my actions. If anything I was going to continue them until that fat pig either died a slow horrible death or he stopped abusing his family. I left my mother and regretted it every day of my life… I wouldn't leave Carol.

After I quit struggling I realized just who it was who'd so expertly restrained me. I was pouting in the muscular arms of the redneck Amy loved owe so much. Feeling my cheeks burn slightly I tried to push my way out of the hold only to have him tighten it… probably thinking that I was going for round two on the dirt bag, which I should have done.

"Let me go, Dixon." I meant for it to sound demanding, strong, angry but it came out sounding like a shaky plea. "I'm calm."

He let go without another word. I slowly got to my feet, dusted myself off, and calmly strutted into the forest. I was calm, level headed… that's just who I was.


	3. Chapter 3: Climbing Trees

**I'M ANNOUNCING SOMETHING! **  
><em>I have nothing to say...<em>

**Rated Mature** _There's some real shit happening here..._

**Disclaimer** _...Don't remind me of my failures! _

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><p><span><strong>Chapter 3: Climbing Trees<strong>

_-Ashlen... eventually that name will change...-_

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><p>Being alone has always given me this peaceful feeling. A feeling that just made my entire body relax and seemed to numb my mind from the constant buzz my thoughts gave me. I wasn't sure why it was that I climbed into the tree that I did but I also didn't really care. When I'm alone I don't have to explain my actions.<p>

Laying on my back on the small branch I felt it sway with the wind. My legs dangled limply and my arms were folded behind my head in complete comfort. I unleashed a pleasant sigh and smiled at the sky.

'This is how it should be. This is how _I _should be. _Alone._'

"How in the hell did you even get up there, girly?" A deep southern accent chuckled from below. I didn't have to look down to know that Dixon had found me.

Letting out a silent disappointed sigh I maneuvered myself so that I was laying belly down on the flimsy branch and facing the red neck at the base of the tree. He wasn't giving me that bored look or even his slightly amused one… Daryl found a new face; a face that I couldn't place let alone explain.

"The stairway to heaven." I shrugged simply. "I got pretty tired though so I took a break on this branch and it disappeared."

"Didn't take you for a quitter." He snorted plopping down at the base of my tree and relaxing.

"Nah I just like to have fun." I admitted. "And there's only so much fun you can have on stairs. Plus I didn't have my slinky."

There was a silence between us as I watched the hill billy pick up a branch and begin whittling it. I couldn't stifle my laughter but it didn't seem to bug him as he kept at it. Finally growing bored of the sight I turned myself back to my original position on my swaying branch. I hated to admit it but having Daryl there didn't seem to bother me at all but that was probably because of his apparent comfort with silence.

"So I heard you're not into me." He finally chimed causing me to erupt in a small burst of laughter.

"Seriously, I beat the living shit out some guy whose name I don't even know and you want to talk about the fact that I don't want to mount you?" My laughter caused my branch to sway more than my comfort would allow so I easily slid to the trunk and began to shimmy down.

"I don't really care 'bout what you did." He shrugged simply. "If you hadn't done it I probably would have. Though I'm glad it was you. 'S gotta be real embarrassing to get your ass handed to you by a lil girl."

"I really can't tell if I should be insulted." I admitted with a chuckle as I finally jumped to the ground. "Why'd you come out here?"

"Didn't feel like listening to the group's gossip." He explained paying more attention to carving his stick than me as I sat on the opposite side of the tree, facing away from him. "So I decided on leaving for my huntin' trip…just happened to see your hair up in that tree."

I let out a sigh. "And here I thought my hair was subtle."

"Ain't nothing subtle 'bout you." He snorted. "_I'm more worried about surviving than which dick is going to penetrate me next._" His voice went up a few octaves to imitate my voice before he burst into laughter. "I think that's my favorite line of yours yet."

"Glad to see someone other than Glenn appreciates my humor." I sighed pleasantly. "How long have you been keeping track of your favorite lines of mine?"

I felt him stiffen. "Dunno." He admitted quietly.

"ASHLEN!" Shane's voice echoed throughout the woods causing me to groan.

"Seriously, it's the apocalypse and the cops are _still_ after me." I joked lightly as I stood up. Daryl just snorted as I made my way back to the camp to get yelled at by Shane. "Wanna shout my name again, boss man? I don't think the walkers in Hawaii heard you."

"Ashlen," He hissed approaching me with clenched fists and a furious face. "What in the hell did you think you were doing?"

"Climbing a tree." I smirked knowing that he wasn't talking about my disappearing into the woods. I mimicked his stance as I placed my on my hips and popped one out giving him my best 'Shane' face.

"You beat the shit out of Ed and then just ran away." He reminded as calmly as he could manage.

Rolling my eyes I sighed. "I didn't run away. I calmly went for a hike."

"It's not safe to out there alone."

"Daryl was there." I argued completely ignoring the fact that he thinks out there was any more dangerous than here. 'Idiot.'

The fact that I was out there with the group's favorite Dixon only seemed to anger him further. "You were out there with Daryl Dixon? Alone?" He sneered, his knuckles turning white from clenching his fists so hard.

"No." I said to his surprise. "I like to believe the big man in the sky was there too." He didn't look amused.

"God?" Carl, Lori's son, asked curiously from behind me.

I shot him a smile, noting that Lori was nowhere to be seen. "No." Looking back at Shane I fought to contain my smirk. "Santa."

Carl erupted in laughter behind me.

"Carl, go find your mother." Shane ordered his face turning red with fury. "I need to have a moment alone with Ashlen."

Letting out a long groan as the boy scurried away, I ran my hand over my hair and tightened my pony tail. "Alright, alright… I'm sorry ok? I shouldn't have hit you when you were just trying to help… that's all I'll apologize for."

Shane rubbed his head wiping the sweat from his black curls and letting out a shaky laugh. "That's not why I'm upset, Ash… I was worried about you disappearing into the woods." I bit my tongue to keep from lashing out at him about my ability to fend for myself. When trying to apologize to somebody it's not customary to scream at them. "I know you're not a kid anymore… but I know, Ash… I know why you did what you did."

My eyes widened. "What?"

"After you disappeared… there was an accident." His face dropped to a sympathetic frown and he pulled me into a warm hug. "Your mom died, Ashlen… That bastard killed her."

"What?" The word choked out before I could stop myself. I felt my world begin to crash around me and the tears just poured before I even knew I was sad. I felt someone's eyes on me… boring holes into the back of my mind. Pushing my wet face into Shane's shoulder I tried my hardest to not sob but couldn't do shit for the small hiccups that came.

Leaning his head to my ear I felt Shane squeeze me tighter and hum into my hair. "We looked for you." He assured quietly. I clenched his shirt in my hands as I felt the sadness quickly fade. Anger came flooding in faster than I thought possible and with so much force that it made my entire body shake in pure rage. "Ashlen, are you going to be ok?" Shane asked mistaking my shaking for crying.

"I'm just so fucking…" I hissed through my teeth. "Pissed off!" Shoving him away from me I held my head high and tried my best not to start attacking him. "That stupid bitch! I told her! I told her what would happen! I tried to help her… I fought for her and she just kicked me out…"

"Ashlen." Shane sighed knowing better than to approach me again. "It's not her fault… it's not your fault."

"Damn straight it's my fucking fault!" I snapped. "It's hers. She didn't have to stay with him. I told her that. I fucking warned her but she chose to be an idiotic slut and stay with the trash. Not my fault. Not my problem." Turning on my heel I stomped back to the woods.

"Ash, where are you going?" Shane called hesitating to fallow me.

"To climb a tree!"


	4. Chapter 4: Lost In Thought

**WELL THIS IS AWKWARD...**  
><em>So upon rereading my work (Because I was too lazy to do that BEFORE uploading it) I realized I'd fucked up on a couple things... but I'm not changing it so... My bad?<em>

**Rated Mature **_Because I feel the need to remind you of this every chapter!_

**Disclaimer **_Do I even have to do this? I don't care it entertains me._

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><p><span><strong>Chapter 4: Lost In Thought<strong>

_-Ashlen... still-_

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><p>'Well… today's been shitty.'<p>

Turns out I'd lied. I hadn't stormed into the woods to climb another tree but this time decided to just collapse on the ground next to the walker I'd taken out last night. Holding the picture of his family in front of my face I just stared at it. The picture was of him with a beautiful woman and three happy kids… four if you count the one still baking in her belly. They all looked happy and not smile for the picture happy but a genuine I love my life happy. The kind of happiness I've only gotten from the animals I took care of.

"Ashlen?" A high pitched sobbing voice quivered from beside me. If it hadn't been Amy who'd caught me I would have took off in a dead sprint… but Amy wasn't there to bug me about emotions. She'd just accidentally stumbled into me.

"What's up?" I asked without looking away from the happy picture. I was trying so hard to feel that happiness… or at least imagine it.

"They're trapped." She whimpered while lazily laying beside me. I stayed quiet, waiting for her to continue. "Andrea… everyone who went on the run… They're trapped in Atlanta and… and Shane won't let anyone go help."

"Everyone who went on the run?" I repeated, squinting my eyes as if that was going to help me remember who all left.

"Yah…" She sniffled while pausing to wipe away all her tears and snot. "T-dogg, Morales, Jacqui, Merle, Andrea… and Glenn."

'Glenn.' Hearing his name hurt me more than it should. "So Boss man Shane wants to leave 'em for dead?" I asked feeling completely void of emotions.

"The fucking ass hole." She murmured. "Who's he to tell me that I can't go try to help them? He's not my father… He's not anything to me!" I stayed quiet, letting her vent until she felt as empty as I did. "You know what… we should go get them… just you and me."

Raising an eyebrow I actually entertained the thought. "We could." I said simply while lowering the photo and changing my gaze up to the storm clouds just overhead. "I've got a weapon stash and I could hot wire a car to take."

"Maybe we could even convince Dixon to come along." She added for once not talking about Daryl because she was acting like horny teen. "His brother's out there too so I'm sure it wouldn't take much talking to get him aboard."

I paused taking in a deep breath and mentally scolding myself. "But they're also a group of strong people." I hated myself for actually thinking about going after Glenn… He's not important to me. I want to be alone. "Maybe we should give it until tomorrow. If they're still gone we'll go try to find them."

She was quiet for a long while. "Yah, you're right… but I'm going to go talk Daryl into doing it." I listened to her stand up but made no effort to even look at her. "Are you ok, Ash? You seem a little… robotic."

"Yah, I'm fine." I assured giving a small smile but still not taking my eyes off the sky. "Just deep in thought."

"Anything I can help with?" She asked sounding worried.

"You want to help me think?" I half heartedly chuckled. "No, I'm good… it's nice to just stop and think."

"Next to a corpse?" She snorted.

I grinned finally tearing my eyes off of the sky to look at Amy's face. "I'll admit… it's not the best smelling of places." Giggling at my response Amy turned around again and walked back to camp, leaving me to my thoughts.

It'd be an understatement to say that I'd gotten carried away with my thoughts. Actually it'd be easier to say that I'd gotten lost in them… much like I used to get lost in an IKEA store. Not just a little lost like you take a wrong turn and have to retrace your steps but the kind of lost where you panic and start a survival plan because you don't think you'll ever escape. But I guess when there's no one to snap you back to reality you have no choice but to get lost… not that I'm complaining. I mean, I love thinking… my brain is an awesome place.

I was somewhere between contemplating if a zombie Jedi could still use the force and reminiscing in my distant memories of cat videos when the rain started. It was just a few drops at first that landed directly on my face before it was a full on down pour. Even if I desired to I couldn't hold in the grin that stretched across my face. Rain brought more than just a few pleasant memories to my mind as well as a cool release from the heat the sun had caused.

The distant, frantic shouts of people shook me from my memories and reminded me how much I wished that I was alone here. I groaned a complaint as I got to my feet and walked back to camp. There was no doubt in my mind that Boss man would be panicking about where I'd disappeared to this time. Upon entering the camp the first thing I saw were people running to put everything away before it got ruined. The second were the eyes of an angry cop who, after knowing that I was fine, went back to saving some blankets that had been laid out to lay on.

"They seriously didn't think those clouds meant rain?" I scoffed to myself before unleashing my wet hair from its pony tail and shaking my hands through it. The last time I remember it raining was the night before the shit hit the fan… I was so excited that I ran out straight to Boomer's cage. The big cat was always playful when it rained and I honestly loved witnessing that.

"Ashlen, you should get in your tent before you catch a cold." Dale warned as he jogged to his R.V with a bundle of cloths that had been hung out to dry.

"I don't get sick easily." I shrugged but did as he'd advised and retreated into my tent. The only thing better than the feeling of rain on your skin was the sound of it. I must have fallen asleep to the calming sound because I was soon witnessing the dream I always had.

I'd just gotten done getting dress, pulling on my muddied pair of work boots as I stepped out of the door and making my way to the meat locker that was built into my work shop not too far from my home. Back at the animal sanctuary I always fed the animals before feeding myself. I'd gotten to the shop uneventfully and loaded some raw cow legs into my 4-wheeler's trailer before driving off. My first stop was my favorite. Boomer was pacing eagerly at the sight of food and even growled while attacking the fence. I easily opened the smaller cage with a pull of a wire and he ran into it knowing that it was the only way I'd give him the food.

Cow legs were heavy things and dragging them wasn't exactly the best method but it's all I could do to transport the meat into the tiger's cage. I drug it to the side opposite of his catch pen so he could 'attack' it. Boomer was one of the more active big cats that I took care of so I did what I could to let him have his fun. Tiredly wiping the sweat off of my fore head I turned to exit the cage but stopped in my tracks in utter shock.

Glenn was standing outside of the cage yawning at me. "Why didn't you wake me up? I could have helped you."

"What…" I began but was still too surprised to finish my question. _What are you doing in my dream? _

Glenn opened his mouth to say something else but all I heard was the familiar sound of a car alarm. Something I'd become accustom to hearing before but in the zombie apocalypse it'd become foreign again. I shook myself awake more confused about Glenn being inside my dream instead of the car alarm that still rang through the camp.


	5. Chapter 5: Bitterness

**NOTICE THIS SO YOU CAN READ SOME STUFF I NEED TO SAY!**  
><em>Alright! So first off... I GOT MY FIRST REVIEW! and it was guest reviewer but if you're reading this just know that you were the only reason I actually ended up writing this chapter. Second thing I wanna say is that this is more of a filler chapter that doesn't really got a lot going on besides some important WD plot that I couldn't just skip over... so Enjoy?<em>

**Rated Mature **_If a thing with zombies in it is rated anything but M it's not worth wasting your time on._

**Disclaimer **_I'd be doing a lot of things differently on the show if I owned it. Lots and lots of shirtlessness _

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><p><span><strong>Chapter 5: Bitterness<strong>

_-Ashlen-_

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><p>The alarm slowly built in volume as I sat in my cot. My eyes were open, still wide with shock but not staring at anything in particular. The thoughts that were swirling in my mind all but consumed me while I baked in my sauna of a tent. I think it was the heat, more than my general curiosity of what that noise was all about, that finally caused me to exit my tent.<p>

The cool breeze that greeted upon stepping in the wilderness quickly dried the sheet of sweat that had accumulated on my body while I napped. I slowly let out a post nap stretch and shook my damp hair. 'Why was Glenn in my dream?' The question played on repeat in my head so loud that I could barely hear all the commotion going on down by the vehicles. It wasn't until the car alarm went quiet that I decided to check things out and hopefully forget about my odd dream.

Forgetting proved to be an easy task as I spotted the group crowded around my favorite Korean. Relief flooded my heart as I saw him perfectly alive and awkwardly flinging jokes about. A smile spread across my face while I strutted my way to them.

"Cool car." I noted as I pushed into the circle of people that had formed around Glenn and his new set of wheels. "Dodge Challenger… '08 maybe 9, huh?" Easily running a hand through my hair again I walked to the popped hood and took a look at the engine.

'This would rack in the big bucks at Sal's place.' The thought surprised me. I hadn't thought that way since I was 19. Swallowing hard I averted my eyes back to Glenn who wore a shocked expression.

"You know cars?" He finally gasped.

Rolling my eyes I let out a short burst of amused air. "What? Because I've got a nice set of tits I can't be a car person?" His mouth opened and shut like a fish out of water as he searched for words to make himself not sound like a sexist pig but was obviously falling short. "Calm down, Glenda, I'm just giving you shit… though I did picture you as more of a corvette kind of guy."

"What am I not manly enough to like muscle cars?" He finally retorted with a smirk.

I grinned widely at him. "There's a reason I call you Glenda."

His mouth dropped as he feigned offence and popped out his hip while folding his arms across his chest. He was imitating Andrea… and doing a better job than a guy should. Not able to hold in my laughter I quickly closed the space between us and wrapped my arms around him. It was like my body was acting on its own but my gesture was easily welcomed as Glenn hugged me back.

"I'm glad you're ok." I told him while pulling away and patting his shoulder with a genuine smile.

"Me too." He sighed returning a small smile. "Thought we were all goners there for a while."

"We thoughts so too." I laughed half heartedly. "They heard you guys were trapped over the scanner… Amy and I were gonna go on a rescue mission if you didn't get back soon."

"Where's everyone else?" Shane interrupted with his signature I'm-the-one-in-charge voice.

Glenn and I rolled our eyes before he answered. "They're on their way… they were behind me."

"Way behind him." I chuckled. "That car may only be a 6 cylinder but it can still hall balls like no one's business… speaking of the car… when do I get my turn?"

Glenn opened his mouth to reply but closed it when the sound of another vehicle distracted us all. A white moving van was slowing to a stop when Andrea popped out from the back, clearly not patient enough to wait for the car to come to a complete stop. I suppressed a sarcastic statement out of respect for the clear sisterly bonding moment Amy and Andrea were having as they ran to each other.

It wasn't long before the others unloaded from the van and ran into the arms of their families and friends. I shifted uncomfortably beside Glenn and looked at my feet. There was something about watching Morales scoop up his youngest child into his arms that made me feel…well it made me feel bitter. I didn't want to feel that way. If anything I preferred to witness this rather than have them all balling their eyes out. I never know what to do say when people cry in front of me… so I usually end up bailing.

"Well aren't you a welcome sight." Dale chuckled while bro hugging Morales. "We thought we'd lost you folks for sure."

"How'd ya'll get out of there anyway?" Shane asked as he slowly peeled his eyes away from a crying Carl and Lori. My eyes stuck to them in slight confusion. Why was the boy crying?

"New guy." Glenn chimed causing my head to swivel around so I was looking at him with a raised eyebrow. "He got us out."

"New guy?" I quickly pressed.

"Yeah, crazy bastard just got into town." Morales easily explained while gathering his family into his arms again. "Hey, Helicopter boy, come say hello." He called out.

"Helicopter boy?" I snorted under my breath as visions of a grown man in helicopter footy pajamas and one of those hats with the spinny deal on the top filled my mind. I had to cough to hide my laughter.

Unconsciously, I leaned forward as I curiously examined the new guy slowly get out of the van. The first thing I noticed was the uniform. "Oh great, another Shane." I mutter just loud enough for Glenn to catch.

He snorted while nudging me playfully. "Rick's cool."

A sarcastic _uh-huh _escaped me as I turned my focus back onto Rick. He was tall and lanky with dark hair, pale skin, and piercing blue eyes. Actually… he looked a lot like-

"DAD!" Carl shrieked in what I couldn't tell was surprise or happiness… probably both. Lori, on the other hand, looked horrified with just a hint of shock not that I could blame her. She's been porking her dead husbands best friend to only find out that he ain't all that dead after all. I'd be a little surprised too.

Watching Carl and his father fall to the ground in a tight hug caused something in me to snap. I couldn't even fake a smile as I watched the two cry and hug until Rick stood up, his boy still in his arms, and walk to embrace his cheating wife. It's not like I wasn't happy for them… I was but seeing the amount of love in Rick's tear filled eyes caused my heart to tighten uncomfortably. I only assumed that it was because of my lack of fatherly love throughout my life… or rather the lack of family love. Either way the whole scene was starting to irk me… so I bailed.

I'd retreated to the lake to try and make sense of this entire turd that was today. Peeling off my cloths, I put them in a pile and easily walked into the cool water. I went under to wet my face and hair before returning to the surface and easily floating on my back. Out of all the days I spent at this camp it was an understatement to say that this one had been uneventful.

Daryl saw me happily take out a walker. I actually held a conversation with Merle Dixon. I beat the shit out of a drunk bastard, Ed… now that I think about it… what the fuck was the ass hole doing drunk so early in the morning? Anyway, I held a conversation with Daryl after my melt down, found out my mother was killed by my step-dad, planned to go on a rescue mission with Amy, dreamed about Glenn, and watched a family get reunited. Normally I just do my chores and disappear to do whatever it was that I did on my own.

"Today hasn't been boring… that's for sure." I chuckled to myself.

**_XxX_**

I don't know what it was that urged me to do what I did… but I can't say that I didn't like it. Sure I wasn't exactly joining the campfire on my own free will but I was observing it from a distance. I was perched on a low sturdy branch not far from the group's campfire holding tightly to a flask that I'd found on a walker I took down after going for a dip. Bringing it to my lips I took a gulp of a fiery substance and cringed at the taste. I've never been a fan of whisky but it's not like I had much of a choice anymore.

From where I sat I could perfectly see everyone that had joined the circle and I bitterly watched them. The Grimes family sat huddled in Rick's arms directly across from Shane who'd become accustomed to staring emotionlessly at anything but Lori in her husband's arms. Glenn was seated next to Rick listening intently to whatever it was Rick had been saying. Next to him was T-dogg who… well he didn't look like himself. Despair clouded his face as he stared at the fire in the center of them all. Dale was next to Andrea who'd been burdened with her sister clinging to her wherever she went…not like anyone could blame her for that though. Amy had thought he sister was dead.

My head swiveled around in search of everyone else. Carol and her family had made a small fire away from the others and I just assumed that everyone else had gone to bed… but there was one face, one man, I hadn't seen yet. Merle Dixon.

Drunkenly, I tried to safely find my way down the tree, but I'd been sober when I chose to climb up there. "Alright, feet." I whispered sternly while wagging my finger at the worn out boots I wore. "I… I don't want to break anything tonight so…don't fail me now."

I can't say that stealth had been an easy thing for me before but when I was drunk I didn't even know the meaning of the word. I clumsily made my way down the short distance with about as much noise as one could manage when tackling this feat. When I was pretty close to the ground I got a little cocky and somehow managed landing my ass directly on to the ground.

"Jesus, Ash, are you drunk?" Shane demanded sternly from above me.

I whined at the amount of pain my butt was in while rolling over so I could rub it. "I think I broke my tailbone."

"Where'd you find beer?" Glenn piped in with a surprising angry sounding voice. "And why didn't you share with me?"

I cracked a smile before laughing and holding up my flask for him to take. "I didn't think you could handle a man's drink, _Glenda_."

"Nobody else is getting drunk tonight." Shane announced while violently ripping the flask from my hand. "Where'd you even get this?"

My smile disappeared as I stared coldly up at everyone who'd come to check on me. I didn't want to let Shane know I'd gotten it off of a corpse so he could give me the lecture on it being dangerous outside of camp again so I chose to distract them. Locking eyes with Ranger Rick I frowned. "Where's Merle?"


	6. Chapter 6: No Shit

**HOLY SHIT I ACTUALLY UPDATED!**_  
>Ok so I took a break... my bad... I'm not going to apologize for that but what I am sorry for is the load of crap I decided to throw at you today. Very sorry but I had to tell you Ashlen's background somehow and I chose the most awkward way to do so. <em>

**Rated Mature **_I'm writing mature content when I have the maturity level of a 12 year old boy._

**Disclaimer** _Yah I don't own this but it'd be one hell of a birthday gift ;)_

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><p><span><strong>Chapter 6: No Shit<strong>

_-Ashlen-_

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><p>'You don't care.' I kept repeated the sentence to myself but no matter how much I commanded it I couldn't shake this feeling. This sense of despair… the same despair that T-dogg had worn, racked throughout my body. Well, that might just be the alcohol.<p>

It's been a good while since everyone retreated to their tents and even longer since I wobbled drunkly into the woods. Letting out a long sigh I ran a hand through my hair which quickly escalated to me crouching on the ground, pulling my hair, and letting out an aggravated growl.

"You don't care." I voiced angrily. "Damn it, Ashlen, you didn't even know Merle Dixon. Now quit acting like a little bitch and pull yourself together. It's just one less person to bug you."

'Talking to yourself now?'

"Damn it…" I groaned as I allowed my body to roll back so I was sprawled out on the forest floor covering my face in shame. "I want to be alone."

Since I learned that Merle was currently stranded on a roof hand cuffed to some pipe I've been a wreck of strange emotions. Just the thought that they abandoned him without a second thought… I thought these were good people. Why would they do that? Rick should have let Dixon loose as soon as he calmed down. I don't even want to be around people but I would never leave someone like that. I'd never abandon anyone.

"Holy shit, you're kidding me." I grumbled as I felt the light sprinkling of rain against my skin. Rain during the day was one thing but at night… I mean it's cold enough as it is I don't need to be wet too.

I struggled to get on both of my feet and took another swig of the beer I'd stolen from Ed's tent. Thank god that fat piece of shit was so much of douche bag that he stocked up on cigarettes and beer instead of things he'd need to survive. Tipping my head back I chugged the rest of the can and pulled another off of the 6 pack that dangled from my left hand. I only had two left counting the one that I'd just opened. Being a light weight I was already shit faced drunk but for some reason I had the urge to steal more.

Shrugging my shoulders I stumbled my way back to camp through the now down pouring rain. Using various trees to keep my balance I clumsily reached my goal only to trip over my own feet and fall of my face. My reflexes hadn't been fast enough to catch myself before my face made contact with the ground. I knew it was nearing midnight, everyone was sleeping, and I knew that I should have been in pain but I couldn't stop the laughter.

I don't even know what I how a bloody nose and a sore face could be so damn funny but it was. Rolling onto my back I kept my head turned so the blood pouring out of my nose would continue to easily run down the side of my face. Laying on the ground in the middle of the camp with a bloody nose and laughing so hard that the sound stopped coming from me. If I thought I looked crazy before I should have seen myself now.

"Ashlen?" Shane's voice echoed slightly through the camp but I didn't look to the direction it came from.

'Maybe if you don't move he won't find you.'

"Ashlen, what the fuck happened to you?" He demanded while crouching next to me.

'Fuck.'

I let out a small whine as I sat up and looked at the cop. It was dark but from what I could tell Shane's face was flushed and… holy shit he was smiling! I used the sleeve of my completely soaked sweater to wipe away the blood on my face. Seeing his grin left me both scared and pleasantly surprised so I returned an unsure smile.

"I-uh-I fell." I informed bluntly.

"Yah I know." He chuckled losing his balance in his crouch and falling on his butt. "I saw." Pointing to the RV where Dale's lookout perch, a lawn chair with an umbrella, Shane dug into his coat and pulled out the flask he'd confiscated from me. Throwing his head back he emptied the liquor before throwing it to the side and groaning. "She's sleeping with him right now, Ash."

"What?" I blurted dumbly.

"Lori." He explained. "My tent's right next to them… I could hear it."

I cringed at the thought before tossing my last beer to Shane. He needed it more than I did. "That's brutal, man." I told him only because I didn't know what else to say.

'This is so bizarre.'

Shane easily sat up and opened the can. I think that's when I realized that I'd lost my last beer. Unleashing an aggravated snort I pushed my wet hair out of my face and looked over at Shane. He was smiling but I'm sure it was just the alcohol doing its job. With his black curls slicked down around his face he looked kind of like one of those emo kids from high school that straightened their hair strategically to cover one of their eyes. My snort of agitation turned to amused laughter.

"What?" Shane demanded.

"Nothing." I lied through my laughter. "Maybe you should-uh-fix your hair."

He ran his strong hands through his wet locks and smoothed it back which made me laugh even harder. "What?" His voice was growing angry.

"Well… now you kinda look like Dracula." I giggled. "You just need the widows peak."

"Shut up." He grumbled while rubbing the back of his head. We sat in complete awkward silence while Shane finished his beer. "You look cold."

I hadn't noticed that I'd began to shiver uncontrollably but since he mentioned it I felt the cold slowly sink in. "Shit…" I spat feeling my lips begin to tremble. "I didn't even notice." Wrapping my arms around myself, I shifted uncomfortably but made no effort to get up.

"You don't happen to have any more of these do ya?" He asked completely forgetting about my problem. To his dismay I shook my head and he let out an exasperated groan while flinging himself to lay on the ground with me. It was long while before he spoke again. "What happened to you, Ash?"

My eyes widened at his odd question. It'd been a few months since I joined this camp and now you want to know what happened to me? Yes, I knew what he had meant by the question but I didn't really like the idea of opening up to people so I settled for a very short, dumb sounding "What?"

"When you left… where'd you go?" He badgered. If Shane was good at anything it was nagging.

"I-uh…well, I joined a gang." I answered bluntly. "I mean… where else does a 16 year old go when she gets thrown out?"

"So you've just been chilling with a gang for eight years?" He spat apparently angered by the idea.

I shrugged. "Nah, I was only with them for two years before I got busted."

"So you were in jail?"

"No… Jesus, why are you so interested now?" I snapped defensively. Talking about yourself is breaking rule number one for living a life alone but in my drunken state I pretty much just raised my middle finger to the rules I lived by. "It's kind of a long story anyway."

"I've got time." Shane informed matter-of-factly. "Not that I have much to do these days."

"Amen to that." I chuckled. "Who knew the apocalypse would be so bloody boring?"  
>"Are you trying to distract me?"<p>

I let out a shaky yet guilty laugh. "I just don't really know where to start." Taking a moment to gather my thoughts I finally chose to begin. "Well… how much do you know about the night I got kicked out?"

"Literally nothing." He blurted through a hiccup. "All we knew is that you assaulted Ken, disappeared, and then a month later your mother was beaten to death."

My fists clenched at the thought. Drunk Shane was not very subtle. "Well, first of all I didn't assault the shit bird I gave him what he deserved." I growled trying desperately to keep my rage in check. "As far as I was concerned he'd backhanded my mom for the last time. So I handed his ass to him on a silver fucking platter and you'd think the ungrateful bitch would be happy but instead she kicked her teenage daughter to the curb like bad leftovers."

"Ash…" Shane began but stopped as he rethought what he was going to say to me. I cut him off by forcing my hand over his mouth to keep him from talking... or at least that's what I think I'd covered.

"Do you want to hear the story or not?" I snarled. I took his silence as a yes and I dropped my hand from his face. "If you think I'm pissed now you should have seen me that day. Livid wouldn't even begin to cover the rage I felt… but that's not the point. The point is that I ran into Antonio Rod… you know that douche bag stoner that always lurked outside the high school even though he was like 28."

"He was in the gang?" Shane asked slightly surprised. "Dude was too scrawny to be a gangster."

I rolled my eyes. "They weren't that kind of gang… they mostly just stole cars and sold 'em to Sal."

"Sal?"

"Yah, he was a car dealer." I answered easily with an annoyed huff. "How many questions do you plan to ask? At this rate I won't get through the gang part of this story until sunrise."

"Right… sorry." He muttered smoothly.

"Anyway, Rod took me in, taught me to steal cars, how to shoot, fight, just over all defend myself…" I swallowed hard before continuing. "I was really good at it too. I really enjoyed it."

"You enjoyed ruining people's lives?" Shane snapped obviously finding it too hard to keep his mouth shut.

"Oh, blow me, porky." I hissed. "If anyone ruined lives it was you. I took rich guys cars. You put poor people away, tore families apart, arrested kid's for smoking pot and ruined their chances at most colleges and even some jobs. So tell me again just who it was who ruined people's lives!" My voice had grown more and more hostile by the sentence but somehow I'd kept my volume down.

I took his silence as his submission.

"Anyway, I stole cars. I was the best at it. Until one day when I was forced to strut right into a trap." I continued through gritted teeth. "Sal sold us out to a rival gang. We waltzed in there like it was any other deal but surprise surprise there were over a dozen red shirts pointing guns at us."

"Jesus, Ash, did you get hurt?"

"Me?" I laughed as I absent mindedly stroked the scar on my jaw. "I'm basically invincible."

"So how'd you get out of it?" He asked turning to finally face me but I locked my eyes onto the clouded skies that still leaked rain.

"I called the cops." I sighed slightly ashamed. "Those ass holes sure were tough until they saw the blue and red lights. They dropped their guns instantly and we were all arrested. I was only 18 at the time… that must be why the cop took pity on me. Instead of taking me to jail he drove me to this animal sanctuary."

"Spirit of Africa: Atlanta's exotic animal sanctuary." Shane recited. "I went there a few times when I was a kid."

"Yeah, it was a great place… The old man who owned it took me in. Promised to provide food and shelter as long as I helped take care of the animals." A slight smile spread across my face at the thought. "John kind of saved me. After I warmed up to him he started teaching me…"

"Teaching you what?" Shane asked when I'd stopped talking.

Shaking my head I kept my mind from drifting and continued. "I don't know… he just taught me everything. He made me eat healthy, made me work hard… he taught me what I should have been taught when I was a kid."

"So he…he did what your dad didn't do." Shane concluded.

I swallowed my tears. "That man was not a dad. He was just the flaky son of a bitch that fertilized my mom. That's all."

"Ash, he was there for the first nine years of your life." He reasoned.

I let out a bitter laugh. "I saw him once a month for maybe a day." My 'Father' had been anything but that. I guess he'd been there when I was too young to remember but then he started going on these _business _trips that just kept getting longer and longer until one time he didn't even bother coming back. Instead he just sent my mom divorce papers in the mail. After that I never heard from him again. "That's not part of this story though."

"Right." Shane nodded letting out a yawn which only made me aware of my drooping eyes. "So what happened next?"  
>I shrugged. "Nothing really. I fell in love with the sanctuary so I chose to live there with John. He actually died last year from cancer he refused to get treated… surprise for me was that he was filthy rich and he left everything to me."<p>

"No shit?"

"No shit." I chuckled sleepily while wiping my eyes and unleashing a long violent yawn. "His kids were pissed."

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><p><em><strong>Ok so I got some reviews and they just may have made my entire life better!<strong>_

_** Now because none of them were questions I'll just leave it with this: **_

_** I'm tickled pink that you all are enjoying the story and I'm happy you dig Ashlen. :) **_

_**I'll try to leave angst land and bring back so good 'ol fart jokes soon. **_


	7. Chapter 7: You Don't Care

**I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY IT TOOK SO LONG FOR ME TO WRITE THIS... **_  
>Well, it has been a little over a month since I last updated... and... well... this happened.<em>

**Rated Mature **_Because I'm a big kid now!_

**Disclaimer **_If I had a choice to be the owner I wouldn't take it. I enjoy experiencing it as just a die hard fan. _

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><p><span><strong>Chapter 7: You Don't Care<strong>

_-Ashlen-_

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><p><em>I don't remember falling asleep, but I knew this was a dream. The camp had reverted into my dream land and I was back in Boomer's cage staring at Glenn. That's right. I'd forgotten that I dreamed about him… How could I have forgotten?<em>

_"__She didn't wake you up either I take it." Shane chuckled from behind Glenn. _

_My eyes widened further. 'What in the serious fuck is this bullshit?' The thought rang throughout my brain shortly before I had to question how I was having thoughts inside of a dream. 'What the fuck brain? I've got better shit to wonder about than how dreams work.'_

_Glenn had turned to Shane and rubbed his bed head hair as an attempt to tame it a bit. "Does she ever wake us up though?" He laughed shooting me a knowing look. "But I'm sure she'd get too jealous if someone else fed her big ass baby." His arm stretched out to gesture to Boomer. _

_I looked at the ground to hide my grin. I really did love Boomer enough to get jealous over that. Shaking the smile away I furrowed my eye brows at the two. "What are you two doing here?" I finally demanded. "I'm supposed to be alone here… that's how I want it."_

_"__Are you sure about that?" Glenn challenged dropping his… well his Glenn act. "No one wants to live alone, Ashlen." _

_I cringed at the thought. "I do." _

_"__Amy's got breakfast cooking in the kitchen." Shane finally bellowed while starting up my 4-wheeler. "I'll feed the rest of the kitties so why don't you make sure she gets some food?" _

_"__Amy's here too?" I gasped confused. _

_"__Yeah, of course she is." Glenn told me smiling and easily walking up to me. Taking my hand he led me out of the cage and closed the gate behind me. "Andrea's here too." _

_"__Why?" I demanded trying to keep up the act that I was baffled by all of this. _

_Glenn didn't say anything as he opened Boomer's catch pen. I'd expected him to launch out like he always did but this time her calmly trotted out and turned to face me. What happened next caused my act to drop and have shock completely absorb me. _

_"__Because you love them." Boomer told me. _

I shot up in my surprise gasping for air in my tent. Swallowing hard I tried to remember what had happened last night but all I could recall was falling out of a tree and stealing from Ed. My hands moved up to caress my throbbing head as I closed my eyes and let out a groan. I had so many questions darting around that I couldn't tell if my head ache was from those or my hangover.

What the fuck happened last night? Why am I on the floor in my tent? What time is it? Why are my clothes wet? Why were those people in my dream? Why the fuck did Boomer sound like Dale? I let out another groan as I tried to swat away the questions and focus on not puking.

I sat with my head between my knees and my hands massaging my temples for a good while or at least until my tent turned into an oven. Peeling off my soaked clothes I felt myself sigh in slight relief before I began to dig around for some clean clothes. Easily picking up a pair of tight, ripped blue jeans and a white tank top I threw them on and opened my tent to let in a breeze.

Rolling my jeans up just enough to pull on my combat boots I laced them up and placed my small dagger snuggly in its holster on my ankle. Grabbing John's old hunting knife and its holster, attached to my favorite belt, I wrapped it around my hips. Pulling it to the tightest notch I realized just how much weight I'd lost since the beginning of all this. I was never the skinniest girl. I always had a little meat on my bones but now I could confidently say that I was _finally_ swimsuit season ready.

Snickering to myself I finally strapped on my pistol. I don't usually pack this much heat but for some reason I just felt like I needed it today. Roughly running my hand through the tangles in my muddy hair I had a question repeat through my mind. 'What the fuck did I do last night?' My face hurt, my sweater had blood on it, I was soaking wet, and now there's mud matted in my hair. Rolling my eyes I gave up and stepped out of my tents so I could put my red locks into a messy bun.

"You're up pretty early today." Andrea noted as I thanked god that it was a cloudy morning. "Thought for sure after last night you'd be sleepin' in today."

I shrugged while I let out a long yawn. "Ain't no rest for the wicked."

She gave me a slight chuckle before patting me on the shoulder and walking away. I swallowed hard at the gesture and frowned. 'I want to be alone.' Reminding myself of this I vowed to stay the fuck away from everyone. Suddenly 'You don't care' became my new anthem.

"Mornin' Ash." Shane groaned while exiting his tent and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "How's your hangover treatin' ya?"

"Like I'm its favorite bitch." I smirked while giving Shane a look over. Apparently the Boss man had a little fun last night himself. "And yours?"

"With how much I've partied you'd think the hangover and I would be friends by now."

I faked a gasp. "You mean the police man was an alcoholic the entire time?"

He just rolled his eyes while running his hand over his greasy hair and rubbing the back of his head. I've learned that he does that quite a bit. Before he turned to leave I could have sworn that he had a small smile on his lips. He didn't used to even hint at enjoying my jokes before.

Shrugging it off I lazily made my way to the RV to do my normal routine when Jim grabbed me by the shoulder. If anyone was going to rank loner abilities Jim would be at the top. Aside from being alone in the apocalypse Jim gave off an odd vibe that pretty much scared everyone else away. The slender man always had dark circles under his eyes like he never slept and with a depressed gaze he managed to make any situation seem darker.

"You're helping me today." He informed simply as he tugged me along with him. "You showed some knowledge on cars yesterday so you're gonna work with Dale and I on the RV."

My eyes went wide before I let out a half hearted chuckle. "I spew a few facts about a well known muscle car and suddenly I'm a mechanic."

"Actually, we were just looking for a reason to keep you away from Ed." Dale admitted as we got closer to him who'd taken a seat on the bumper of his motor home. "But I'm sure with a little guidance you'll be able to help us."

I rolled my eyes while crossing my arms over my chest. "That primate deserved it and you know it."

"That may be but it doesn't mean that it wasn't wrong." Dale sighed running his hands over his white beard and turning his attention to the car. Every time I talked with Dale I felt like I was in the councilor's room in school again… and in a weird way I didn't completely hate it.

Turns out I'm one hell of a mechanic so long as I don't have to put whatever I take apart back together. After Jim and Dale showed me the ropes they just let me loose telling me that it didn't matter what I took off as long as I didn't break anything. Honestly they really didn't even need my help but I found taking apart a car way more fun than washing clothes.

"What are you doing?!" Glenn's voice squeaked slightly as he rushed to where I was. "I thought you of all people would want to save this beauty."

"And good morning to you too, sunshine." I smirked not bothering to look up at him. Glenn was one of the people I had to worry most about getting close to. I'd almost risked my life to go on a suicide mission just to save him. That wasn't how I operated! 'I want to be alone.'

"Look at them." Glenn hummed. I glanced up to see helicopter boy standing next to him finally out of that stupid uniform. Rolling my eyes I went back to work on taking apart the car. "Vultures… yeah, go on. Strip it clean."

"The RV needs every part we can get." Dale smiled patting him on the shoulder. "Sorry, Glenn."

"Thought I'd at least get to drive it a few more days." Glenn muttered I assumed just to Rick but my smart ass couldn't stay silent too long.

"Don't worry, Glenda, we can still have sex in the back of it." I smirk sending him a playful wink.

We all laughed as the Korean turned a deep shade of red and nervously rubbed the back of his neck. I loved making him get all embarrassed like that. Shaking my head I mentally scolded myself for getting involved unnecessarily.

"Maybe we'll get to steal another one someday." Rick smiled patting him on the back gently before turning to walk away.

I'd finally managed to zone out Glenn's whining as well as Dale and Jim's rambling about needing some sort of hose for the RV when I heard the scream. Being in the apocalypse you'd expect one to become accustom to that sound but having survived the whole ordeal in this camp a scream was defiantly foreign. I don't know what I was so excited about… I mean a scream like that could only mean a dangerous threat and that wasn't something to be excited about. Well, at least that's what I'd told myself while I bounced on my toes slightly before taking off in the direction of the scream.

To my dismay it'd basically been a false alarm. I mean it was on damn walker who'd been too busy chomping on a dead dear to even notice us all circling around it. My eyes wondered to Jacqui with a raised eyebrow judging her harshly. She'd gotten me excited for one stupid corpse… Didn't she go on that last run? Shouldn't she at least know how to take out a single brain dead zombie? I shook my head in disappointment as I grumpily trudged my way back to the car I'd been taking apart.

"You're just having the time of your life there aren't you?" Glenn chuckled causing me to stand up straight and smirk at him. "So how did you end up knowing so much about cars?"

I shrugged deciding to take a break from mindlessly taking apart the engine. "I don't really know that much." The admission caused his eyebrows to rise in surprised. "Really I just know about the expensive ones and how to tell how many cylinders they run on."

"Damn, what were you? A gold digger?" He snorted meaning it as a joke.

I shrugged again. "Something like that."

"Merle!" The sudden shout had made me jump but I hid it by casually changing my position to now leaning on the car. Daryl Dixon was storming to the camp with a string of squirrels hanging lazily on one of his shoulders. "Merle, get yer ugly ass out here."

At first I'd winced at the memory of an abandoned Merle Dixon on a roof top in Atlanta but shook the look off of my face. 'You don't care.' I reminded myself while absent mindedly attempting to wipe the grease on my hands off on a rag. Noticing Rick Grimes hot on the hunter's heels a smirk spread across my face.

"This is gonna be good." I sighed mostly to myself but I knew that Glenn had heard because he nodded at me in agreement.

"Daryl, you slow up a bit I need to talk to you." To my surprise it was Shane talking. My eyebrows rose in surprise but I managed to keep my mouth from popping open.

"'Bout what?" Daryl demanded cautiously looking at the leader figure of our group.

"About Merle." Shane admitted solemnly approaching the Dixon brother while rubbing the back of his head. "There was a problem in Atlanta." By now the cop had planted himself firmly in from of Daryl with his hands on his hips in his signature Shane pose.

Daryl faltered, looking around at the circle of people that had formed around him and Shane all wearing the same sympathetic frowns. Well, except me who just stood with an eyebrow cocked ready for them to hit the hillbilly with the punch line. The silence in the camp was almost eerie making me want to bust out a joke just to ease the tension.

"He dead?" To my surprise Daryl's voice didn't hint at any sort of sadness but then again I don't remember seeing the redneck ever show much emotion.

"There's no easy way to say this so I'll just say it." Rick finally chimed making his way to the center of the circle. I grinned as the idea of the circle of people becoming more of a boxing ring.

"Who are you?" Daryl demanded rudely.

I stifled a laugh.

"Rick Grimes."

"Rick Grimes?" He'd made the man's name sound like an insult; saying as if he were talking down to him. My giggles escaped me for a moment but defiantly didn't go unnoticed by anyone, especially the redneck. "Got something you wanna tell me?"

"Your brother was a danger to us all." Rick blurted quickly. "So I handcuffed him to a roof hooked to piece of metal… He's still there."

My mouth popped open in surprise at his bluntness while Glenn had to clear his throat to hide his laughter. "They teach you to break news to a person that gently in the academy, Sheriff?" I scoffed finding it too hard to just sit back and watch this shit go down. To say I received some disapproving glares would be an understatement. I'm pretty sure Lori was killing me in her mind.  
>"Hold on… let me process this." Daryl growled turning away from Rick and taking a few steps back. Instinctively the people he was walking towards took a few steps back. "You saying you hand cuffed my <em>brother<em> to a roof… and you LEFT HIM THERE?"

Oh and Rick, god bless his soul, just replied with a simple. "Yah."

Glenn and I shared a look, both trying desperately to hold in our laughter. This wasn't funny. Merle being trapped on a roof wasn't _funny_. But fuck if Rick Grimes impassionedly telling this news to Merle's brother wasn't the funniest thing I've witnessed since the apocalypse. I wanted so bad to taunt Rick for being so blunt but knew if I so much as opened my mouth laughter would ring throughout the camp.

It wasn't until I watched Daryl unsheathe his hunting knife that I knew shit was getting serious.

"Oh shit!" I gasped in unison with my Korean pal. If I hadn't been so into watching the fight I would have laughed at our mutual reaction.

I watched with my mouth permanently hanging open in shock as the two cops expertly restrained the raving lunatic with the big ass knife. Shane had managed to get the Dixon into a choke hold and eased him into a laying/sitting position. Seriously, this shit had been better than the fake episodes of cops. You just couldn't write this kind of stuff!

Glenn's hand eventually moved up to shut my jaw for me. "You know… that's mostly Rick's fault for being such a cop about that." Glenn informed me shrugging his shoulders and peeling his eyes off of the conflict.

I chuckled at him. "Guy should have been a psychiatrist."

"What I did was not on a whim." Rick explained once Shane had let Daryl out of the choke hold. "Your brother does not work and play well with others."  
>I snorted. "What is he? A preschooler now?"<p>

"That's some damn drastic measures to punish a preschooler who can't learn to share the glue." Glenn chuckled quietly.

"'S not Rick's fault." T-dogg chimed wearing the most tortured expression I've ever seen. "I had the key… and I dropped it."

"You couldn't pick it up?" Daryl snapped making a short burst of laughter escape me. He shot me a warning glare. Apparently my laughing at his misery was not helping the situation.

"I dropped it in a drain." T-dogg explained before the Dixon could attack me.

Daryl let out a snort of disgust before forcing himself to stand up. "If that's supposed to make me feel better it don't."

"Then maybe this will." The man tried to sooth. "I chained the door so that the geeks couldn't get through… it has a pad lock."

"THE HELL WITH ALL YA'LL." Daryl burst making sure to glare in my direction longer than anyone else's. "Just tell me where he is so's I can go get him."

I winced slightly at his glare but easily shook it off. 'You don't care.'

"He'll show you." Lori sighed sounding surprisingly smooth for having watched her husband get in a knife fight. "Isn't that right?" I've gotta give her credit though. The glare she was sending Rick's way was almost as if she were wishing Daryl had just shanked his ass.

"I'm going back." Rick nodded.

"You shouldn't have left him in the first place." I muttered turning back to the car and shaking my head. Leaning in to the engine bay that I'd mostly taken apart I caught a glimpse of Daryl's surprised face. He must have heard what I'd said. My eyes shot to the Dixon and gave him a warning glare of my own shortly before he stormed off, probably to get ready for the run.

'You don't care.' I reminded myself for what seemed like the millionth time that morning. 'You want to be alone.'

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><p><strong><em>Thanks to Dark-n-Twisty for frequently reviewing :) I love reading your input. <em>**

**_So I'll try not to disappear for a month again... no promises though... disappearing is kind of a hobby for me. _**


	8. Chapter 8: it's just chapter 8

**HAS IT BEEN A MONTH? I DON'T REMEMBER. **_  
>I literally just wrote all of this like ten minutes ago and I don't know why. But tell me if I butchered Daryl. <em>

**Rated Mature **_Because I almost said the N word so many times! But I stopped myself... I don't think my grandma would be happy if I said it. _

**Disclaimer**_ Holy crap my pinkie just cramped!_

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 8: ...it's just chapter 8<span>**

_ -Ashlen-_

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><p>After the whole knife fight things had actually calmed down a bit, though I'm guessing it was because the Amy's favorite red neck was off having a mental breakdown somewhere else. I'd unsurprisingly grown bored of taking apart the car and managed to slip away from everyone's sights. It was easier to evade Shane now that Ranger Rick was in the picture. I guess by some unspoken decision he was the leader now? Either way, I didn't really care all that much.<p>

I was hiding away in yet another tree absent mindedly chewing on a piece of jerky I'd snuck from the RV. The gentle breeze blew through my hair and I shifted on the branch I was in so that I was staring up at the clouded sky. I suppose it was because I wasn't really paying attention that I didn't hear the man walking below me. Sure, there were zombies about and I probably should have been more alert but I was in a damn tree. Last time I checked those numb skulls couldn't climb. It wasn't until I heard him plop down under the tree I was in that I became aware of his presence.

Confusion spread through me as I turned to stare down at Daryl. I was pretty sure he'd hated me for the commentary I'd put on his loss of his brother but here he was. We sat in the silence. Me staring at the ground occasionally glancing at him and him sitting at the base of the tree staring at his hands. I wanted to ask if he knew that I was up here but knew better than to speak at a time like this. Besides… I didn't care.

"Damn it, Ash, where'd you go this time?" The familiar voice snarled making me groan inwardly.

"Yer parole officer's looking for ya." Dixon scoffed not bothering to look up at me.

"I don't think I can make bail this time… I should probably just make a run for it." I groaned more to myself than Daryl but I heard him snort in response. When I heard another call out for my name I set to work on climbing out of the tree. "Really starting to wish that I never came out here in the first place."

"You 'n' me both." Dixon grumbled to himself shaking his head before leaning it on the trunk of the tree.

I thought about continuing the conversation but scolded myself for the thought. 'How many god damn times do I have to tell you that you don't fucking care! Damn girl you're dense as shit.' Shaking my head I realized that I was insulting myself.

"You called?" I sighed rolling my eyes at Shane's worried face and casually leaning on a nearby tree.

His eyes were zoned in on me preparing to give me the safety lecture when he was distracted. I only assumed by the way his face soured even more that Daryl had followed me out of the forest. "What were you doing in there with _him_?" He demanded.

I crossed my arms over my chest and gave him an annoyed smirk. "Plotting your downfall. What else would I do with my spare time?"

Shaking his head he rubbed the back of his hair and groaned. "You're exhausting." He paused choosing to run his hands over his face and give me a pleading look. "Just, please, stick to the camp for a bit."

"Sir, yes sir." I scoffed mocking a salute as I walked away to find something to entertain myself.

My tent was out of the question since it was always the equivalent to a sauna in the day and I was working on distancing myself from everyone else. Glancing around my eyes settled on a rather thick branch that was laying on the ground. I winced at the idea but I really had nothing else to do. Retreating to my tent I quickly grabbed my old pocket knife and returned to the branch to try my hand at whittling. It was a lot harder that I thought.

"What in the world are you doing?" Amy giggled causing me to jump. I guess I could understand her reaction since I was laying on my back at the base of tree with my legs propped up against it and struggling to carve the branch into something other than a tooth pick.

"Campaigning to be the next president of the United States." I sassed. "If elected I promise to lead this world to a graceful end so we may all go out dignified and cocky."

"I'd vote for you." She sighed apparently thinking my sass was an invitation to sit with me. "But seriously what are you doing?"

I just shrugged continuing to struggle with whittling. Redneck makes this look so easy. Finally giving up I chucked the branch, which was now chopped into more of a stick, into the forest and let out an aggravated huff. Amy giggled at me but didn't try to start another conversation so I guess I wouldn't ask her to leave. She wasn't really harming anything right?

The sound of a tent opening and closing caused me to glance over at it. Ranger Rick was strutting into camp in that god awful uniform. "Seriously, what's with the outfit? Doesn't he know the worlds done? There's no more police, genius."

Amy lightly batted my arm and giggled at me. "I like it."

"He's a married man, Amy." I teased making her face light up like a Christmas tree. "I thought you had the hots for little Dixon anyway."

"I do!" She snapped, again with a louder volume than she meant to. Her face got even redder when she heard Daryl snort not too far away from us. "I…I'm gonna…" She shut up immediately and sped walked away from me.

Laughing to myself I tuned back into the Rick show as he walked up into camp with Shane hot on his heels doing what Shane does best; nag. "Could you just throw me a bone here?" He whined throwing his hands around in the way only he could manage. Shaking my head at him I kept my mouth shut and observed, still laying with my butt against a tree and my legs propped up on it tilting my head so that I could see them upside down. "Could you just tell me why… why would you risk your life for a douche bag like Merle Dixon?"

"Hey!" Daryl snapped giving Shane a death glare. "Choose your words more carefully."

"Oh, no I did." Shane assured only sparing a glance to the Dixon. "Douche bag's what I meant."

I couldn't even try to contain the short burst of amused air that escaped me. Daryl took notice and shot the nasty look at me instead of Shane. I just smiled and raised an eyebrow taunting him. What was he gonna do? Shoot me?

"Merle Dixon…" Shane spat his name like it tasted bad and looked back to Rick. "That guy wouldn't give you a glass of water if you were dying of thirst."

"What he would or wouldn't do doesn't interest me." Rick stated calmly. "I can't let a guy die of thirst. Me."

"That's rich." I snorted flicking my pocket knife open and closed absent mindedly. I could feel Rick and Shane's on me but the pair that I could mostly feel belonged to Daryl. He switched his death glare to a confused expression… which was basically his normal bored glare with his eyebrows slightly furrowed. Rolling my eyes I locked eyes onto Rick and gave him an unimpressed frown.

"You got something to say to me?" Rick asked looking only slightly offended.

"Yah, you're a piece of shit that left a man to die on a rooftop in a zombie infested city." I shrugged making it sound as simple as possible. "If anybody's the douche bag in this situation it's you. You're the one who let a man die of thirst not Merle… Merles the poor son of a bitch dying."

"Ashlen, you're not helping." Shane sighed running his hand over his head.

"Wasn't trying to." I informed looking at my knife now as I flicked it open and closed repeatedly. "Just didn't want Sheriff over there getting all high and mighty."

"So you and Daryl?" Lori spoke up directing the attention away from me. "That's your big plan?"

I heard Rick walk around a bit before he stopped close to me. There was no way Ranger Rick was looking to me for help so I ignored him.

"Oh… come on." Glenn whined from beside me.

I jumped and shot a look in his direction. 'When the fuck did he get there?' Shaking my head I ran my hand over my hair, pushing the stubborn strands that refused to stay in my bun out of my face. 'That's the second time someone's snuck up on you. Get your shit together, lady.'

"You know the way." Rick explained sounding too much like a cop for me to even want to believe a word that he was saying. "You've been there before. In and out, no problems. You said so yourself."

"Oh that's just great." Shane chuckled sarcastically. "Now you're gonna risk three men huh?"

"Four." T-dogg announced.

"Five." I smirked looking at Shane who looked like he was about to explode on me. Raising my hands I sat upright and started laughing. "Ok, ok, jokes obviously aren't appreciated here."

"Now is not the time, Ashlen!" Shane boomed making that vein pop out of his forehead which told me to stop more than his words did.

"My day just gets better and better. Don't it?" Daryl sneered while cleaning off his arrows and awkwardly making eye contact with me.

"You see anybody else steppin' up to save your brothers cracker ass?" T-dogg sighed.

"Why is saying that ok?" I chimed, everyone but Glenn, who just chuckled, ignored me.

"Well, then that's four." Dale announced.

"It's not just four." Shane barked pointing at Rick accusingly. "You're putting every single one of us at risk. Just know that, Rick."

"Oh quit the dramatics, Shane." I sighed rolling my eyes at him. "They're gonna go no matter what you say so just sit down, shut up, and quit being such a nancy."

"Excuse me?" Shane snarled giving me a glare. "I'm trying to protect this group!"  
>I was about to retort but Rick interrupted before I got the chance. "Then you're gonna need guns." That got Shane's attention. "Six shotguns, two high powered rifles, over a dozen handguns… I cleaned out the cage back at the station before I left, but I dropped the bag back in Atlanta."<p>

"Smooth going there Sheriff." I mumbled to myself but somehow Daryl caught it and let out a snort of agreement. I really don't understand that guy. Does he hate me or not?

'You don't care.'

'Oh yah…'

"You went through hell to find us." Lori whimpered. "You just got here and now you're going to turn around and leave?"

"Dad, I don't want you to go." Carl piped up sound stronger than his adult mother. I shook my head at that. Some parent she is.

"Shane is right." Lori continued as if her son hadn't said a thing. I'm telling you… mother of the fucking year right here ladies and gentlemen. "Merle Dixon?! He's not worth one of your lives even with guns thrown in."

I looked at Daryl shocked that he didn't have anything to say about that. Shaking my head for what seemed like the billionth time today I clenched my teeth. I thought these were good people… but Merle could easily have been me. 'That's why you need to be alone. This is why you chose to be alone.'

"Lori, I need that bag." Rick concluded as I stood up and dusted off my pants.

"And Merle." I snapped sounding a billion times more hostile than before. "Can't forget the man you'd condemned to death now can you?" Giving him a harsh glare I spit at the ground near his feet. "Try not to leave anyone else behind this time." And with that I walked away, crossing my arms and swaying my hips as I strutted back into the woods I loved to hide in. They can't leave me behind like a trapped animal if I don't trust them.

'Can't leave you behind if you're not with them.'

* * *

><p><em>-Daryl-<em>

* * *

><p>'Merle ain't dead.' I had to keep reminding myself of that fact to keep from full out attacking Grimes again. Rick fucking Grimes. Ain't he just the perfect little ass hole to ever grace anyone's presents. He's damn near got everyone under his spell. The guy leaves my brother, restrained on a roof top in walkerville and suddenly he's a god damn hero. At least Ashlen ain't buying his shit… or at least it seems that way. Shit she seems like a lot of things. I can't figure that chick out to save my life.<p>

One minute she's cracking wise, smiling and laughing like the end of the world wasn't even a problem. The next she's beating the shit out of a man three times her size. Not to mention her apparent delight in my shitty situation. When I was going through my melt down she stood watching in utter amusement but then sneaks in some jabs at Rick for leaving Merle behind in the first place. Then later on she seems more pissed than I was. I don't understand her… I probably never will.

I wasn't even paying attention as I stomped around the camp, gathering supplies for the run; completely lost in my thoughts about the girl that was currently trying to catch my attention.

"Damn it, Dixon, would you stay in one fucking spot?" She snapped bringing all of my attention to her.

I tried to keep my features stoic but I'm sure my lips twitched upward. Standing in front of me, smirking, she looked like the human embodiment of every man's wet dream. Red curly hair pulled up in a loose bun with stands still hanging down, wearing a white tank top than ended a little below her belly button exposing only a hint of her toned, tanned stomach with grease smudged on her cheek and white shirt. Hell, if I didn't know better I'd swear she came straight from one of Merle's magazines. Swallowing hard I raised an eyebrow at her just like she often does to me when I'm caught staring.

"I don't know if you even need this." She mumbled rubbing the back of her neck and letting out a tired sounding sigh. "But I snagged this from Shane a while back so if I ever found myself in his handcuffs I could get out." Her hand shot out, holding a small key in her delicate, grease stained fingers. Touching her hand lightly as I took it from her I saw that it was a cuff key.

"Coulda used this before the apocalypse." I muttered earning a small smile from her. "Thanks… I guess."

"I expect that back." She smirked putting her hands on her hips… her wonderful hips. "With the way Shane looked at me after volunteering to go I'm sure hand cuffing is the next step."

I snorted not knowing what else to say so I did what I always do; turned away and busied myself so she'd just leave. Normally people don't catch on to that tactic too well but Ashlen wasn't an idiot.

"Good luck, Dixon." She said under her breath before leaving to say goodbye to China man.

I stared at her surprised but I don't know what that shocked me so much… guess I just didn't expect it. Shaking my head I told myself to focus on saving Merle's ugly mug. With the reminder of Merle being locked on a roof I moved into the van and honked the horn.

"C'mon, let's go!" I shouted impatiently but of course Rick and Shane took their sweet ass time to finish up their little chat and get in the god damn van. Sure his guns will still be there no matter when we leave but Merle might not be. I'm half sure that if the pig hadn't dropped his guns we wouldn't even be going back at all. Assholes.

XxX

"He better be ok." I snarled to the black fucker sitting right across from me sending him a death glare. "That's my only word on the matter." It was the first thing being said since we started driving.

"I told you, I locked the door so that the geeks couldn't get at 'im." He assured. "The only thing getting through that door is us."

'For your sake you better hope so.' I didn't let up on my glare.

"We're walking from here." China man announced after stopping the van. I didn't waste a second as I hopped out of the back and began to jog towards Atlanta. Guess I was the only one eager to get there.

"Merle first or guns?" Rick blurted as if it were even a serious question.

"Merle! We ain't even havin' this conversation." I snapped trying to keep running but the rest stopped with their golden boy.

"We **are**." He snapped back.

'What now he's gonna correct my fuckin' grammar?' Letting out a pissed off grunt I found myself wishing Ashlen had come along. Then maybe I wouldn't be the only one on my side.

"Merle's closest and the guns would mean doubling back." Glenn answered easily while jogging away having already made the decision. "Merle first."

'Guess I can see why the chick hangs around him.'

The run wasn't nearly as long as I'd anticipated 'cause soon China man was ducking into some run down clothing shop. We slowed when it was obvious that there were a few of the dead to take care of. Quieting my footsteps I easily aimed my cross bow at the first.

"You are one ugly skank." I mumbled before shooting her straight in the eye. Feeling slightly cocky I easily retrieved my arrow and turned back to the three guys that just stood there like a group of special needs kids. "Well, I don't know where I'm going. Hurry the fuck up. Got a man's life on the line people."

Rick rolled_** (A/N:Ha, get it? Rick… never mind. I'm funny just accept it.)**_ his eyes but complied by leading us up a stair well. T-dogg cut the lock and I eagerly kicked open the door.

"Merle!" I called before even seeing if he was there. Running over to where he was supposed to be the first thing I saw was the blood… then the hand. "No… NO!" My eyes moved to glare at Rick but trained on T-dogg. The miserably bastard had the guts to look at me with pity. "NO!" I repeated louder, angrier. "No!" Sadder.

"Hey." An unfamiliar voice snapped. "Shut up."

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><p><strong><em>So I'm adding a new OC just because writing all of this through Daryl's POV is too much of a chore and I worry too much about ruining his character and... well just because I don't wanna do that. So I'll be writing in the new OC's POV in the next one. Just a warning.<em>**


	9. Chapter 9: Meanwhile

**OH HEY THERE... **_  
><em>_So I wrote and it hasn't even been close to a month so... I'm proud. _

**Rated Mature **_I haven't slept in like 36 hours._

**Disclaimer **_I don't even know why I just didn't feel like sleeping... and now I feel how I imagine being drunk feels. _

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><p><span><strong>Chapter 9: Meanwhile<strong>

_-Ashlen-_

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><p>I regret only a few things that I've done in my life, but even now I can't bring myself to regret bashing in Ed's disgusting face. He sat on the back of a truck parked by the lake, watching the women while they washed his clothes. Bastard did nothing but smoke and drink while his wife and even his daughter slaved away. It was taking all of my strength not to attack him right then and there... well all my strength and the fact that I could not get this damn conditioner out of my hair to save my life.<p>

Because I'm not allowed to fraternize with Carol and her hubby anymore I had to watch over her from afar. Well, it was just a just a happy coincidence that I needed to wash my hair today, but tomorrow it won't be just that. The second that man even thinks about touching that lady my fury will rain down on him like never before… if they thought the first show was bad wait until he really pisses me off.

"Hey, Ash!" The voice nearly makes me groan in annoyance but this time Shane isn't checking on me. He's happily marching to the lake with little Carl in tow holding a bucket and both wearing a smile so big it almost hurt my face. "Up for some good ol' frog hunting?"

"Up for it?" I chuckled gently making my way through the water to where he and Carl had began to set up. "I was the queen of it."

"Really?" Carl asked his eyes sparkling with something that looked like admiration. "You caught frogs?"

Uncomfortable with his admiration I just shrugged and wrung out my hair thanking god that I hadn't chosen to strip out of my bikini to bath. Lori hated me enough as it is. I'm sure adding the reason of flashing her innocent child to the list of reasons I'm on her shit list wouldn't at all help anything.

"Believe it or not, Ash here actually taught me a thing or two on catching frogs." Shane grinned patting my shoulder and handing Carl the net.

I laughed at the memories of Shane and I when we were younger. I was basically the little sister he didn't want that tagged around with him everywhere. "Shane woulda been great at catchin' frogs if he wasn't so scared to touch 'em."

Carl burst into laughter while Shane glared at me playfully. This was too weird. I was used to being in trouble with the former cop not happily hunting for frogs with his best friend's son. My spirits fell as I remembered Lori and Shane's affair… poor Shane. Mother of the Year just used him and dropped him when Rick came waltzing into camp like some big boss…

I hadn't even realized that they'd began the hunt until Carl let out a long disappointed sigh. "I'm not getting anything."

"'Course you're not." I blurted crouching next to the water and gazing into it. I knew there weren't any frogs around here but it was a nice distraction for the kid since his dead dad came back and left again. "All you're doing is moving the net around. It's not called hunting because it's easy, kid."

"She's right." Shane nodded giving me an appreciative smile. "The little suckers know something's up. That's what's going on." Snatching up the bucket he started to walk into the water not caring about getting his clothes wet. "We just gotta do this the old fashion way."

"Oh, never thought I'd see the day Shane Walsh gets his hands dirty while hunting frog." I teased nudging Carl with my elbow.

"Alright, alright your smart mouth can wait, missy." Shane laughed surprisingly. "Now, Carl, you're the key in all of this. I'm gonna rough 'em up… scare them all your way. It's up to you to catch them… ok?"

Carl eagerly nodded his head chirping out an ok as Shane theatrically prepared himself. Shaking my head I stood up and wished things like cell phones and video were still a thing… I'd love to capture hard ass Shane Walsh splashing around in the water like an idiot. As I backed away, covering my mouth to control in my laughter, I actually heard something that surprised me. Not the gurgling of the dead, or a gunshot… I heard a ribbit.

"Holy shit." I giggled as I spotted the little green sucker just chilling out in the tall grass. Easily I bent over and snatched it before it could hop away.

"What do you got?" Shane asked excitedly as Carl pulled up his net.

Both of their faces dropped as if even Shane had expected to catch something. "Dirt." Carl answered solemnly.

"Don't worry… you never catch 'em on the first try." Shane grinned before putting his hands on his hips and turning his attention to me. I stood casually to the side with my hands behind my back and smirk plastered on my face. "At least you're doing something unlike girly little Ash over there. Scared to get your hands dirty girly girl?"

"Oh sorry." I rolled my eyes not able to hold in my smile even if I wanted to. "While you were off dinking around I thought one of us should actually hunt some frogs." With that being said I revealed my grand prize to the two.

"Woh!" Carl gasped as he looked down at the small thing with amazed eyes.

"I'm still the queen." I boasted letting Carl hold the frog. Shane's face was priceless.

"Hey, Carl." Lori's voice chimed as she stalked down to the three of us with an angered look. "What did I tell you about leaving Dale's sight?"

"But Shane said we could go catch frogs remem-" Carl began but Lori cut him off.

"It doesn't matter what Shane says." She snapped completely dismissing the boys excuse. I narrowed my eyes at her, crossing my arms and raising an eyebrow. "It matters what I say… now go on." Her head bobbed in the direction she wanted him to go but all I could do is snort at the fact that she's literally ordering her son away from her supervision. Any other time it would be acceptable but this was the apocalypse and he could get eaten on his trip to Dale.

A burst of laughter caught my attention and my head snapped to Carol and the girls. Shane had distracted me from making sure Ed didn't touch her but it seemed to be ok. Turning my head back to Lori I saw her and Shane arguing. I swallowed hard and tried to keep myself from intervening but damn it I really just wanted to rip Lori a new one.

"I'm sorry… Is there a grey area here?" Lori snapped as I stepped towards them with a cold stare on my face. "Let me dispel it. You stay away from me. You stay away from my son. You don't look at him. You don't talk to him. From now on my family is off limits to you."

Shane looked crushed… and I don't know why but that made me see red. I stomped between them giving Lori a slight push and glaring at her. "Are you fucking joking? That man has kept both you and Carl safe. He's cared for both of you and without him you'd have gotten your damn son killed! You really think cutting him off from saving your sorry ass is a smart decision?" I was fuming and the lady was lucky I didn't start throwing punches. Instead I took a step closer and got into her face. "The fact that you fucked your husband's best friend is on you. That's your own fault! Don't punish Carl and Shane because you couldn't keep your fucking legs closed."

"Ash!" Shane snapped grabbing my shoulder and giving me a glare. "That's enough… I need to speak to Lori alone now."

I nodded, running my hands through my hair and tugging at it slightly. "Yah… I should get dressed anyway." Making sure to send another glare Lori's way I walked back to where my clothes were and easily slid on my clothes.

"Ed, I'll tell you what." Andrea chimed making my head snap in their direction. I hadn't realized that I was close enough to ease drop, but then again Andrea wasn't trying to be quiet. "You are welcome to pitch in and do it yourself."

I took quiet steps closer to the group. Talking back was the easiest way to get a smack down and the moment he touches any of them shit is going to hit the fan. 'Daryl isn't here to save you this time, fatass.' Feeling a predatory grin stretch across my face and clenched my fist and eagerly waited for him to fuck up.

"Ain't my job, missy." Ed snapped before taking a long drag from the tiny bit of cigarette he had left.

"What is your job, Ed?" Andrea hissed taking a brave step towards the man.

I started bouncing on my toes silently begging her to just bitch slap him so I can move in and finish the job. Ed reminded me so much of the douche bag that… that killed my mom and I hadn't got around to dealing with that just yet. Beating Ed to death sounded like the perfect way to get over the death of a mother who kicked me on my ass.

"It sure as hell ain't listening to some uppity smart mouthed bitch." Ed replied sounding only slightly irritated. "Com'on, let's go." He called out to Carol and just like a woman who was deathly afraid of her husband Carol jumped to her feet.

"I don't think she needs to go anywhere with you." Andrea challenged.

Oh I was really starting to like this chick. I took more quiet steps so that if he even raised his hand to scratch his head I'd be able to stop it. My grin left my face as I locked eyes with Carol… Oh, I forgot about that. She'd be horrified if I hurt him again. I'd just have to settle for restraining him instead of knocking his teeth into the back of his throat.

"Don't think I won't knock you on your ass just 'cause you're some college educated slut." Ed piped while motioning for Carol to come to him like she were some dog instead of a lady.

By now I was right behind him with eyes so angry I could have snapped his damn neck. Carol gave me a pleading look and I answered it by nodding slightly. I wasn't going to do exactly what I wanted but I sure as hell wasn't going to let him touch any of them.

"Now you com'on… or you're gonna regret it later." He continued making my already clenched fists begin to shake with fury.

"So she can show up with fresh bruises later, Ed?" Jacqui sighed shaking her head and giving Carol a sad look. "Yah, we've seen them."

"Stay out of it." Ed laughed irritated. "Now come on." He emphasized his words this time and reached out for Carol.

"Please…" Carol sobbed as Ed grabbed her arm and began to drag her away.

"You don't tell me what!" Ed boomed raising his hand to smack her. "I tell you what!"

I swear all I was going to do was grab his arm, restrain him but once I saw him raise his hand I lost it again. My hand gripped his forearm stopping him before he could hit Carol and whipped him around to face me. With the millisecond of eye contact we shared I saw him go pale faced and that was all he could do before my small, furious fist connected with his face.

One jab, that's all it was but not because I'd restrained myself. Shane butted in by grabbing him by his neck and throwing him to the ground away from the group of girls now in a flurry of emotions. I took a moment to regain my sanity, to see some other color besides the one of Ed's blood. The girls all held Carol as she cried, begging Shane to stop. I just watched his fist connect with Ed's face over and over feeling the joy literally bubble inside me. The only thing better than bashing in Ed's face was watching someone else does it… and does it better than me. Shane had both the rage and the brute force to make the sniveling worm's face cave in and that's just what I wanted to happen.

"Ashlen, please stop him!" Carol cried out gripping my arm and sobbing uncontrollably.

I clenched my jaw but nodded and moved to where Shane was ensuing Ed's beat down. He was winding back his fist to unleash another punch but my hand wrapped around him wrist and held him back.

"Look, I know it's real fun giving him what he deserves, and trust me I'm having the time of my life watching it but Carol's heart's gonna pop if you keep this up." I whispered, moving to the front of him and looking in his eyes. "I know you've got a lot of rage pent up but killing Ed isn't going to prove your point to Lori… Just walk away."

His eyes softened slightly before going hard again and looking down at Ed. I don't even think he was fully conscious but Shane still felt the need to lecture him. "If you put your hands on yer wife, yer little girl, or anyone else at this camp I will not stop next time. Do you hear me?" Ed let out a grunt but I don't even think it was to answer him. "I'll beat you to death, Ed." Shane informed before landing one last punch.

"Alright, Rambo." I sighed pushing Shane off of him. "We get your point and I'll be sure to relay it again when Ed's actually awake."

"Oh god!" Carol cried out running to aid her husband. "I'm so sorry."

I rolled my eyes as Shane landed one last kick and began to walk away. Instead of running after him to give him a high five I plopped down next to Carol as she tried to help Ed. "Keep his head elevated so the blood stops running down his throat and tilt it a bit to the side to keep him from choking. Andrea hand me something of his to clean off his ugly mug."

"Why are you helping us?" Carol asked through her frantic sobbing.

"I'm helping you." I informed taking the wet clothing from Andrea and gently wiping Ed's passed out face. "I wouldn't give a damn if Shane killed this piece of shit but you care for him and I'm doing this for you. Not him."

"Yeah, but why?" Andrea insisted putting her hands on her hips and giving me a weird look.

I swallowed hard before standing up and giving the bloodied cloth to Jacqui. "You can take it from here, right? Keep his head up and if the bleeding doesn't stop try plugging his nose and applying a little bit of pressure."

Slipping up seems to be my new hobby. Basically telling Carol that I cared about her wasn't what I'd wanted to do. I'm supposed to be distancing myself from these people. They aren't good. They left Merle for dead. They didn't want to go back to save him!

'Do I care about Carol?' I had to ponder the question more than I'd wanted to. 'No. I'm just making it up to myself for failing my mom.' Planting my ass on a fallen tree I put my elbows on my knees and rested my head in my hands. Staring at my feet I felt my inner turmoil bubble over. I had to get myself to stop thinking. It was going to drive me crazy.

"How is he?" Shane's voice asked as he took a seat next to me.

"Alive." I muttered not bothering to look at him. "For now anyway."

"Here." He said while poking me with something cold. My eyes widened a little when I saw what it was. "Apple sauce always used to cheer you up. It still your favorite?"

"Cinnamon?" I asked to which he nodded. My smile was answer enough for his question.

"Listen, about what you said to Lori." Shane began, running his hand over his head and sighing. "Thanks."

I was so surprised I almost spit out the mouth full of apple sauce I had. "What?" I asked through my full mouth. "I did something right?"

He chuckled. "Yah, you did. Trust me I'm just as surprised as you." It got quiet for a few beats before he let out another sigh. "Am I a horrible person?"

"Shane… you're a cop." I joked lightly. "You're not even a person. Just a pig with a badge."

"I'm being serious, Ash." He admitted while looking up to the sky. "I fucked my best friend's wife. I love the guy, don't get me wrong, but I keep catching myself wishing that he'd just stayed dead."

"You took care of them, Shane." I blurted not sure what the hell else to say. My eyes closed for a moment and I visualized John, the man who'd taken care of me for so long. He was so much better at this shit. What would he say? "Things are always just going to be as they are. You don't look at the universe at night and make comparisons between right and wrong stars or well and badly arranged constellations. You did what you did and it doesn't make you good or bad… it just makes you you."

He was silent for a long while, his face stoic and staring at his feet.

'I totally just blew that… should have known that quoting Alan Watts couldn't save me from making a fool of myself.'

"When did you become so smart?" He asked, a smile ghosting over his face.

I shrugged returning his smile. "I knew a smart old guy."

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><p><strong><em>So... that happened.<em>**


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